This Post Has Been Certified 100% Free of Swingers References

Quick hits on the All Star skills contest:

Props to Gerald Green wearing a #2 on his headband for Red Auerbach. And the dunk contest was definitely his, despite the fact that his last dunk should not have really been an all 10 score, which the judges gave him. That was definitely a "this contest is over" score after Nate-Rob blew his last dunk.


In fairness to Nate, his first dunk (the last one in this group) was my favorite of the night. Even more than Dwight Howard's "sticker dunk" (which was sick, and unfairly gypped by the judges). We kill Nate here, but I have to hand it to him; he did well through those first two rounds and, damn, that first dunk. You had to see it.

Green pulled out all the stops. He pulled off his jersey to reveal a retro (Dee Brown). He changed sneakers and even pumped them up before doing the no-look (a la Brown), and, in a genius move, was all set to dunk over a life-size cardboard cutout of Nate-Rob, until Nate himself stood in for the cutout (great Nate reaction shot as Green's balls whistled over his forehead).


Vote Barkley '08

In the upset of the night, Charles Barkley beat Dick Bavetta in their long-awaited foot race. Fittingly, both ended the race sprawled on the floor. Bavetta because he made a last-ditch effort to dive head-first to make up ground. Ask any major league first base coach, that head-first slide don't work, son. Barkley sprawled backward on his ass through the finish line since he'd turned around to mock Bavetta by backpedaling. But the day was his. Both competitors were gracious and classy after the event, and Sir Charles was happy to point out that "two hands of black jack" were being donated to charity ($50,000).


Gimme All Three of These

I had Arenas taking out Dirk in the three-point contest, but Jason Kapono< played spoiler and, well, spoiled it. The Heat are boring. Sorry. Good for Jason, but he'll never have Agent Zero's swag.

E-City, Lift Up Your Weary Head!

It's the last night of NBA basketball before the end of the first half, and Ernie Johnson is being carried in to the outdoor Las Vegas TNT studio on a velvet sedan chair by, in a potentially awkward bit of racial imagery, four large black men dressed as Roman guards. Barkley and the Jet look on in disbelief, yelling "Are you kidding me?!"

You know what this means, folks: it's All Star time!

The Knicks don't have any all stars. Nate-Rob is returning to the dunk contest, of course, and Eddy Curry may have been close, by the numbers, perhaps. Or just by virtue of the long-lamented death of the True Center. But a few games ago one broadcaster -- I think it was Gus Johnson -- put it well, saying, basically, E-City can't be an all star while still playing this much shy of his potential. At this point he might well be the most depressing Knick, even if he's one of the best. In fact, it's probably because he's one of the best. You might roll your eyes at Nate Robinson's antics, but what else do you expect from the guy? Eddy Curry, on the other hand, should be absolutely shitting on people down low all the time. As it is, he only does it when he feels like it. He's a 6'11" 285-pound center who refuses to block shots or rebound (he can pull in six or seven a game be accident).

It's appropriate he's been tabbed by Isiah as the guy the team is built around, because that mood of depressed expectations that surrounds him also sums up the state of the team. Here at the halfway mark they have 23 wins, matching their total from all of last year. Progress? Sure. But can't you just feel that buzz rumbling up in New York about our rejuvenated hoops team? No? Me neither.

* * *

They Also Mourn Who Do Not Wear Orange and Blue

The sports blog That's On Point came out with a list of the NBA's worst players today, the Ira Newble All-Stars. I don't really know how to break this to you all, but Jerome James made the list. I'm not that familiar with T.O.P., but they had me at this line:

Isiah Thomas could’ve spent that $35 million better if he lit it on fire in Penn Station and doused it out with the contents of Jim Dolan’s liquor cabinet.

For a depressing end to a depressing post, let's do a little Knicks salary pop quiz:

1. Who is the highest-paid Knick this year?
2. How much are the Knicks paying Shandon Anderson for his contributions to the '06-'07 squad?
3. How many McGriddles will Jerome James be able to by with his '08-'09 salary?

The answers:

1. Allan Houston ($20,718,750)
2. $8,500,000
3. 2,831,050 McGriddles (based on $2.19 per McGriddle for the egg, bacon, and cheese variety)

The Ira Newble All-Stars '07 [That's On Point]

Lupus and The Baron Davis Mean

Curry Speaks!

Let me jump in and post late-breaking style.

The Daily News and the Star-Ledger are reporting some interesting words of one Eddy Curry (via ESPN.com's Rumor Central).

So Eddy, what's up?

Asked if he'd be surprised if Garden chairman James Dolan fires Thomas, Curry said, "Yeah, I'll be shocked. I'll be pissed. I'll be trying to get out of here."

Out of here?

"Definitely. I'd be on my way out."

Gives us some interesting stuff to think about. Is that a threat or a promise? Mainly, I'm left with this question: why can you say "pissed" in the Daily News but not in the Star-Ledger?

Curry favors his boss [NY Daily News]
Curry: I'm out if Isiah is fired [Newark Star-Ledger]

Meet the New Boss, the Son of the Old Boss

The Wages of Sin

Here's the thing. We know why we're rooting against our team. We know why it's necessary. But if we think that knowledge leaves us innocent, that there won't be a judgment, well, I'm afraid it isn't that easy. We're angering the spirits of the ancestors here and we need to accept that and face our punishment. Which brings us to tonight's game.

Join the Mike Breen for President '08 Coordinating Committee:

"I've always thought anyone who does the wave should have their season tickets revoked." - Mike Breen, 4th quarter tonight.

Hearty kudos and salutations to you, Breeny! There is no excuse, no excuse, for that sort of behavior in the Garden. The Garden, for Christ's sake! IN MY HOME! IN MY BEDROOM! WHERE MY WIFE SLEEPS! ... where my children play with their toys.

That shit won't even fly at Conseco freaking Fieldhouse, and we're looking at it in the Garden?! Is this what happens when all your self-respect is gone? You root against your own team long enough that finally you lose all sense of identity and pride you ever had?

And so the ancestors have their say. The punishment is a losing just a little bit of your soul. Hey, I never said the ancestors were fair. We're doing what we have to do; they're doing what they have to do.

Am I Allowed to Enjoy Elton Brand?: One of the secret, arguably shameful joys of fantanking is how it loosens you up about enjoying the performance of opposing players. Now, a fan can always appreciate the play of a LeBron or an Agent Zero (especially, for some reason, with the NBA. It doesn't always work that way in other sports. Or maybe it's me). Really enjoying it is another matter. Should I feel bad watching Elton Brand methodically give the business to the Knicks throughout that first half?

See, this is where it always gets tricky for fans of bad teams. If you want to get into the lottery (um, not a factor for the Knicks) or get your coach or GM fired (there we are!) you can feel confident that you're wishing the best for your team by wishing the worst. But should you enjoy it? I'm not so sure you should. But here I go. In fact, I'm not ashamed of rooting for Elton to do his thing. Even at the risk of losing more shreds of my sports fan's soul. Anyway, none of this is why I ask the question.

What I mean is this: should I feel bad about rooting for Elton Brand because he went to Duke?

Jerome James Starts: The talk pre-game is that the Knicks are showcasing Big Snacks for a potential trade, but Breeny and Clyde also discuss how James provides the Knicks with a defensive presence to help out Eddy Curry. You know, because it's always a good sign when you need to supplement your center with a "defensive presence" like James. While Frye and Lee wait it out on the bench.

At the 3:16 mark James has committed two fouls and gets lifted for Lee. Breen: "And this experiment comes to an end." The Knicks immediately go on a 9-0 run. James never returns. Somewhere, LZ Granderson is molesting a collie.

The Al Trautwig Suicide Watch Enters Month #2: The Bounce expressed concern a couple weeks ago for the well-being of Al Trautwig, saying:

The guy looks like he almost cares. He looks like he just found his daughter's Myspace page. Something in his voice tells me he'll quit before the season ends, leaving MSG with no choice but to promote Bobbito Garcia.

Well, poor Trautwig is still far from recovery, telling us pre-game that the Knicks will be taking on "Elton Brant" and the Clippers.

All in all, it's really been downhill for Al since his Cool Runnings cameo. Although he did snap back long enough to slap the crowd's collective wrist for the whole wave thing.

Style Notes:

• Quentin Richardson carries a European carryall. I'm sorry you had to hear it from me. (Cameras caught him on the way into the Garden. Photographic evidence if/when it appears.)


• Why didn't anybody consult with me before giving Chris Kaman permission to cut his hair?

By the Way, Did You Want That Piece of Your Soul Back? Here You Go: