E-City, Lift Up Your Weary Head!

It's the last night of NBA basketball before the end of the first half, and Ernie Johnson is being carried in to the outdoor Las Vegas TNT studio on a velvet sedan chair by, in a potentially awkward bit of racial imagery, four large black men dressed as Roman guards. Barkley and the Jet look on in disbelief, yelling "Are you kidding me?!"

You know what this means, folks: it's All Star time!

The Knicks don't have any all stars. Nate-Rob is returning to the dunk contest, of course, and Eddy Curry may have been close, by the numbers, perhaps. Or just by virtue of the long-lamented death of the True Center. But a few games ago one broadcaster -- I think it was Gus Johnson -- put it well, saying, basically, E-City can't be an all star while still playing this much shy of his potential. At this point he might well be the most depressing Knick, even if he's one of the best. In fact, it's probably because he's one of the best. You might roll your eyes at Nate Robinson's antics, but what else do you expect from the guy? Eddy Curry, on the other hand, should be absolutely shitting on people down low all the time. As it is, he only does it when he feels like it. He's a 6'11" 285-pound center who refuses to block shots or rebound (he can pull in six or seven a game be accident).

It's appropriate he's been tabbed by Isiah as the guy the team is built around, because that mood of depressed expectations that surrounds him also sums up the state of the team. Here at the halfway mark they have 23 wins, matching their total from all of last year. Progress? Sure. But can't you just feel that buzz rumbling up in New York about our rejuvenated hoops team? No? Me neither.

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They Also Mourn Who Do Not Wear Orange and Blue

The sports blog That's On Point came out with a list of the NBA's worst players today, the Ira Newble All-Stars. I don't really know how to break this to you all, but Jerome James made the list. I'm not that familiar with T.O.P., but they had me at this line:

Isiah Thomas could’ve spent that $35 million better if he lit it on fire in Penn Station and doused it out with the contents of Jim Dolan’s liquor cabinet.

For a depressing end to a depressing post, let's do a little Knicks salary pop quiz:

1. Who is the highest-paid Knick this year?
2. How much are the Knicks paying Shandon Anderson for his contributions to the '06-'07 squad?
3. How many McGriddles will Jerome James be able to by with his '08-'09 salary?

The answers:

1. Allan Houston ($20,718,750)
2. $8,500,000
3. 2,831,050 McGriddles (based on $2.19 per McGriddle for the egg, bacon, and cheese variety)

The Ira Newble All-Stars '07 [That's On Point]

Lupus and The Baron Davis Mean

The Wages of Sin

Here's the thing. We know why we're rooting against our team. We know why it's necessary. But if we think that knowledge leaves us innocent, that there won't be a judgment, well, I'm afraid it isn't that easy. We're angering the spirits of the ancestors here and we need to accept that and face our punishment. Which brings us to tonight's game.

Join the Mike Breen for President '08 Coordinating Committee:

"I've always thought anyone who does the wave should have their season tickets revoked." - Mike Breen, 4th quarter tonight.

Hearty kudos and salutations to you, Breeny! There is no excuse, no excuse, for that sort of behavior in the Garden. The Garden, for Christ's sake! IN MY HOME! IN MY BEDROOM! WHERE MY WIFE SLEEPS! ... where my children play with their toys.

That shit won't even fly at Conseco freaking Fieldhouse, and we're looking at it in the Garden?! Is this what happens when all your self-respect is gone? You root against your own team long enough that finally you lose all sense of identity and pride you ever had?

And so the ancestors have their say. The punishment is a losing just a little bit of your soul. Hey, I never said the ancestors were fair. We're doing what we have to do; they're doing what they have to do.

Am I Allowed to Enjoy Elton Brand?: One of the secret, arguably shameful joys of fantanking is how it loosens you up about enjoying the performance of opposing players. Now, a fan can always appreciate the play of a LeBron or an Agent Zero (especially, for some reason, with the NBA. It doesn't always work that way in other sports. Or maybe it's me). Really enjoying it is another matter. Should I feel bad watching Elton Brand methodically give the business to the Knicks throughout that first half?

See, this is where it always gets tricky for fans of bad teams. If you want to get into the lottery (um, not a factor for the Knicks) or get your coach or GM fired (there we are!) you can feel confident that you're wishing the best for your team by wishing the worst. But should you enjoy it? I'm not so sure you should. But here I go. In fact, I'm not ashamed of rooting for Elton to do his thing. Even at the risk of losing more shreds of my sports fan's soul. Anyway, none of this is why I ask the question.

What I mean is this: should I feel bad about rooting for Elton Brand because he went to Duke?

Jerome James Starts: The talk pre-game is that the Knicks are showcasing Big Snacks for a potential trade, but Breeny and Clyde also discuss how James provides the Knicks with a defensive presence to help out Eddy Curry. You know, because it's always a good sign when you need to supplement your center with a "defensive presence" like James. While Frye and Lee wait it out on the bench.

At the 3:16 mark James has committed two fouls and gets lifted for Lee. Breen: "And this experiment comes to an end." The Knicks immediately go on a 9-0 run. James never returns. Somewhere, LZ Granderson is molesting a collie.

The Al Trautwig Suicide Watch Enters Month #2: The Bounce expressed concern a couple weeks ago for the well-being of Al Trautwig, saying:

The guy looks like he almost cares. He looks like he just found his daughter's Myspace page. Something in his voice tells me he'll quit before the season ends, leaving MSG with no choice but to promote Bobbito Garcia.

Well, poor Trautwig is still far from recovery, telling us pre-game that the Knicks will be taking on "Elton Brant" and the Clippers.

All in all, it's really been downhill for Al since his Cool Runnings cameo. Although he did snap back long enough to slap the crowd's collective wrist for the whole wave thing.

Style Notes:

• Quentin Richardson carries a European carryall. I'm sorry you had to hear it from me. (Cameras caught him on the way into the Garden. Photographic evidence if/when it appears.)


• Why didn't anybody consult with me before giving Chris Kaman permission to cut his hair?

By the Way, Did You Want That Piece of Your Soul Back? Here You Go:

"Dear Entire NBA, You Got Serb-ed!"

Clyde put forth no less than two uses of "fortuitous bounce" in the fourth quarter last night against the Lakers. This proved to be fortuitous for the Knickerbockers -- they hung on to win. That said, Knicks v. Lakers sans Kobe Bryant was really underwhelming. Consider me barely whelmed, execpt for Vladimir Radmanovic's beard/hair which makes him look like a member of the Polyphonic Spree, and has me MAJORLY whelmed.

Side note: When Vlad was with the Sonics I actually heard Bill Walton describe him thusly: "Vladimir Radmanovic is chiseled like a Greek God." And there was no irony in Walton voice. There was, however, a good 10 seconds of dead air which followed Walton's words.

By the way, Vladamir shall be henceforth known throughout the Commonwealth of Bounce as Vlad-Rad. For I ask you, are Vlad's new beard, hair and dancing proclivities not, in fact, "rad"? (see explanation below). He may very well be near the top of my top-five favorite Serbian basketball players ever.

From the Mike Breen is Doing his Best to Avoid Killing Himself Dept: Breeny called the game last night "one of those trap games for the Knicks." Isn't that overstating the case a little bit? Kind of an odd turn of phrase to say that the Knicks, who struggle to win on any given night, might get "trapped" by a team missing its best player. When you're 7 or 8 games under .500 can you really get "trapped" by any team? "Tonight, Clyde, the Knicks take on the 8th Grade Girls team from P.S. 138 and you have to think that this could be one of those classic trap games for the Knicks." We need an industry standard for use of the phrase "trap game." I propose that the team you're referring to must be at least three games over .500 in order for that phrase to be employed.

Jamal Crawford Never Saw a Shot He Didn't Really, Really Like: I'm just going to go ahead and guess that Jamal probably shouldn't have heaved up a thre with the Knicks up five and less than two minutes to go. This was likely a mistep on his part. Isiah probably could have called a timeout and drawn something up here, but it probably would have been a 1-4 iso for Crawford anyway. I'm just throwing things out here. Just suggestions. But, Jamal's strategy was thus: dribble, let the clock run down, pass the ball. Now call for it back, dribble. Then shoot an off balance three.

Vlad-Rad is Rad and Bad: Crawford's shot led to a three from Vlad-Rad, putting the Lakers within two. Vlad-Rad then proceeded to skip to halfcourt and dance. I will do my best to describe the dance maneuver. Okay, I'm at a loss. Let me just say that for a moment it looked like he was going to do a Brett Farveian "six-shooters in the holster" but, at the last second, in a fit of Vlad-Radicalness, turned the gesture into a multi-step handshake with one of his teamates. But, what whelmed me in a way that I had never really been whelmed before, was that his dance was actually a commentary on Farve's six-gun shimmy. It was a celebratory sports dance about celebratory sports dancing, it was the Seinfield of post-basket boogies.

What turned Vladamir into a bearded dance fiend dedicated to deconstructing the very art of on field/court dancing in sports? My theory is that it could have been this fall while he was in Seattle (great color work by Borat on that clip by the way):
A frontal lobe-damaging fall, coupled with the move to big market Los Angeles, has morphed the once unassuming three-point shooting Vladimir into the persona you now recognize as Vlad-Rad the Destroyer. The new Lakers version of Vladimir is all about the music. He's really into Myspace. He does the handshake and one-arm mini-hug when greeting his male friends. He insists on people referring to him only as "Vlad-Rad." He calls his male friends "baby."

Now, finally, we have Vladimir at his most artistically bold. This is nothing less than a blossoming! A full blossoming. There is no more Vladimir. There is only Vlad-Rad, and he probably wants a record deal. Here he's ironically referencing the Shaq's "noodle-arm" move. That is just amazing. What'ch you got now, huh, rest of the NBA? "Dear Entire NBA, You Got Serb-ed!"
Contrast that with the pre-fall Radmanovic. Of course, there is no better background music to support early-period Vladamir shooting three pointers than 50 Cent and Lloyd Banks. What other music would YOU choose? Who the hell spends their time creating Vladamir Radmanovic "On Fire" graphic, by the way? But, watch the clip closely. This is not the free-wheeling Vlad of 2007 vintage. His on court style is careful, almost tentative. It's almost like a different Vladimir. Like I said, it's a blossoming.